285 Pounds. My highest weight.
Me now– HAPPY, HEALTHY, AND WORKING TOWARDS REACHING MY DREAMS!
285 pounds. My friends would ask me how I ever got that big. The truth is simple. I stopped caring about myself. I stopped caring about my life, my health, and everything that was important to me. I had given up all hope of ever living a normal life. I felt as though I was destined to always be lost. No direction, no sense of who I was, I simply gave up. After struggling with body issues my entire life it was just something that I got use to. I overcompensated with my weight by being super obnoxious. You know that girl. Always loud, telling jokes, trying to take the focus OFF of my weight. I never really fit in with any of my friends. I always felt like such the outcast.
I was always on a “diet”. I did manage to lose about 30 lbs and dropped down from a size 14-16 to a size 8 after high school. I was so immensely proud of myself. I started getting a lot more attention. Not the good attention. The oh you lost weight, now we can be together attention. I became super wild. I started partying. Experimenting, drinking, smoking. All of the things that I thought would somehow make me cool. It really just led me into a dark depression.
I slowly started gaining back the weight. But instead of getting back up to 187, I got to 250. It seemed like a matter of months that the gain took place. I was so ashamed. I ended up in Florida, meeting my future husband, and gaining another 35 lbs putting me at 285 pounds. Almost 300 pounds.
I started drinking and eating excessively. Even more so. We would eat out at fancy restaurants or fast food twice a day. Exercise? Not so much. I would be out of breath just walking down the stairs. The only exercise I got was “walking” my dog. More like just PRAYING he would go to the bathroom so I could hide back inside. The bigger I got, the more food I would binge on. The more alcohol I would consume. I ended up trying nutrisystem. The portion control was great and taught me a lot. I lost 40 pounds!
In 2007 I ended up moving to the Florida Keys with CS (husband). It was the greatest and scariest decision of my life. Pack up everything and move to a desolated island chain? Why not. We were so happy to be here in the Keys. We started another food/drinking binge and just as fast as I had lost the 40 lbs, it reappeared. Enter in the depression.
One night I had drank almost an entire bottle of bubblegum vodka. I was feeling super sorry for myself. I drank to escape my reality. My morbid obesity. When I was drunk I didn’t feel fat. I felt nothing. As you can imagine I woke up the next morning SUPER sick. Something happened at that moment. I was lying there and all of a sudden a light bulb went off. I knew if I didn’t stop this vicious cycle of food addiction, drinking addiction, binging, smoking that I would not live a very long life. I thought about all of the self destruction I had been doing to myself my entire life. I was never giving myself a chance to succeed. I was failing on purpose.
I started changing that day. I HAD to get healthy. But how? I knew I couldn’t do another diet plan. They just simply do not work for me. Maybe if I tried to make small changes that it would help lead me somewhere good I thought. So that is what I did. I stopped drinking soda. I stopped eating fast food. I started exercising 6 minutes at a time. I made a conscious effort to LOVE myself, and make better choices for myself. I started researching. The more I learned the easier it was for me to continue on the good path. I started reading health blogs. That really encouraged me. I started experimenting with vegetables. It was working. I dropped 40 pounds.
For the next few years I worked at balancing my healthy eating habits. I ended up losing a total of 80 pounds over the next few years. That didn’t last long though before I started binging again. It is something that I fight this very day. I am not perfect. I am not going to say I don’t have the occasional drink. I do. I don’t always make the best decisions. What I will do though is try to help anyone out there who truly wants to change. I have opened up my entire life to a community. The ups, the downs. It’s like a roller coaster. I know I have come so far, but I still have work to do. Join me on my journey as I try to finally get to my first goal of reaching 199 lbs. From there who knows!
Thanks for reading! ❤
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